To the manager that doesn’t understand why I breakdown so easily.
It’s not because I don’t care or that I have no interested in trying. It’s not because I purposely try to be horrible at my job.
I struggle with the constant battle of wrong and wrong in my head (yes, wrong and wrong). I try so hard every day to be a good employee for you. I know that sometimes that doesn’t show, but I promise you that I want to try.
I can’t help it when I disagree with the changes that are made. Whether it is good for the company or not, sometimes I’m just simply uncomfortable with what we have to do. I don’t like asking people things that I don’t know. I know it’s part of a sales job, but I just can’t do it. It’s a part of me that you will have to understand. I can’t change that, but i’m working on it.
All of the times that I have cried at work isn’t because of something that you have done to me personally, but because I can’t handle the pressure. That’s something I know you won’t understand. I deal with the pressure of the world and everyone else’s on top of mine. It’s a lot to handle. I know that you see me always happy and laughing, but it’s just a face that I have to put on. It’s my hiding place.
I don’t want you to treat me differently, but at the same time I wish that you would. I think differently, react differently, breathe differently. I’m not like every other person. I’m going to have horrible days, but the kind of horrible I want to take a knife to. But I’ll also have amazing days where I’ll never stop smiling. I’m sorry, but there won’t really be an in between. Maybe for a split second, but that will be the changeover.
I suffer from minor depression and major anxiety. I don’t want to blame the illness, but it definitely affects my job performance. I’m working so hard on trying to fix my life, but it is a pain I would never wish on my worst enemy.
I just hope that you listen to this, not as a cry for help, but for an equal understanding that I hope will help in the long run of the company.
Not everyone can do what you ask of them, because they may be dealing with something way deeper than you would’ve thought.
You are amazing people, and I am so grateful to have this job as a life opportunity, but you need to take a step back, as you’re pushing way too much, and you may just end up pushing me over the edge.