So it seems to be that my last two posts got a little bit out of hand. I am not apologizing for anything that was said in it because every bit is true.
So, today I want to talk about sleep and something else, but you’ll find out when we get there.
I have the hardest time falling asleep and staying asleep. Like, I literally just lay in my bed and stare at the wall. I have a bit of insomnia which doesn’t help and I have a very strong fear of the dark (due to paranormal beliefs), which causes major anxiety while I’m trying to sleep. I have to sleep with a light on, like a floor lamp, and I have to have sound going on in the background. I normally have my laptop on beside me with Netflix playing something.
Another thing that stops me dead in my tracks of sleep is I’m normally crying for no reason so that just causes me to lose an hour right then and there. Like hysterical crying too, I mean not like I just witnessed my lover get shot and now I’m holding them in my arms, you know like in the movies. I just mean like it’s uncontrollable whimpering with streams falling from my once dry eyes.
Then there is the switch that I haven’t mastered yet. The brain. Shutting that thing off is a bitch. It just talks and talks and talks, and you try to tell it to shut the fuck up but it just keeps going on and on and on, oh my god, I’m doing it now. See what I mean? Teach me your tricks Sensei.
On another note. New topic. Over the last while, I’ve read a lot of you know, reading material about discovering your “sexuality”. Have you discovered yours?
I’m going to be completely honest with you. I haven’t. Not completely. I mean I am more attracted to men, but then again I think about it and maybe I’m not. It’s a tough thing to say because not a lot of people believe in bisexuality. It is such an unwritten rule to love both types of humans. Why is that? Am I not allowed to find a woman sexy at the same time as finding a man sexy?
Yes, yes I am.
There’s nothing wrong with it! I might be bi-curious or bisexual. Hell, I might even be straight. I don’t know yet. And yeah so what. Just because I’m 22, doesn’t mean I know who I am yet. “But, if you are gay (or any other), weren’t you supposed to be born gay (or any other)?” ~Uh no. It doesn’t always work like that. In most cases it can take years and years for people to discover themselves and come out proud whether straight or gay or in between. But honestly who cares. Would you still love me the same if I had a different way of living? Sure you would! I wouldn’t give you much of a choice. And you can shame me all you want! I honestly don’t give a shit!
Well, I’m off to sleep until tomorrow. Rest well you sexual beasts. Until the next post, I hope you learn the meaning of life and then please explain to me what it means because I apparently can not get a grasp on it. Cheers! ‘Clink’